God Is Faithful Even In Your Darkness

I have been reading a book called SOZO…..Save, Healed, Delivered. Sozo is a Greek word meaning to make well, to be whole in body, soul and spirit. This is what Jesus came to do for us at the Cross. But unfortunately there are far too many people to count, due to horrible events in their past, who find it very difficult to experience real victory in their everyday life. They have deep hurts they have never shared from their past that leave them bound and weighted down with shame, blame and rejection. Perhaps you are one of those people or you know someone who is.

I was one of those people many years ago. I want you to know that you do not have to stay where you are because God is able to deliver you if you are willing to ask for help. I did and I have never been the same since.

I became a Christian in 1970. Yes I was born again and snatched out of darkness into the light. However, the trauma I had experienced from age 6 to 16 had never been dealt with. I was doing discipleship classes, going to church, reading my Bible but I was dragging around a chain called a spirit of rejection that hindered me from walking in complete freedom. I felt unwanted, was always seeking approval of others, easily offended and I always felt like I was on the outside looking in. All of these things manifested in my life as a direct result of the trauma I had experienced before becoming a Christian.

As some of you may already know I had a very emotionally absent father and an abusive alcoholic mother. I was the first-born and became the responsible “adult” at age 8 when my sister was born because my mom delegated that responsibility to me. I became her part-time bar tender and the object of her rage. I was rarely commended for much, hardly remember special daughter/daddy moments and cried many nights because I felt so unloved.

But the day I gave my heart to Jesus on June 10, 1970 for the first time I knew I was loved! Yes, my spirit became brand new but my soul was all jacked up. I had bags of trash attached to my poor soul that I carried around until 1989. After being a Christian for 19 years I became more and more aware that I was not healthy emotionally. I finally got so desperate that I sought help from one of my elder’s wife. You may not believe or understand much about the types of spirits that can oppress and torment someone as a Christian but let me assure you they can and do! I am a walking example of someone who was set free from rejection because I sought help. In the den of my friend’s house we prayed and the Holy Spirit revealed how my past childhood had wounded me so desperately in my soul that rejection had me bound. She prayed, she took authority over that stinking demon of rejection and that chain snapped!! I had a real physical reaction when it broke. I almost felt sick at my stomach. It was as if something was yanked out of my soul! I even have the date marked in my Bible and these words were written…”Set free from many bondages-a new Marilyn will emerge. June 29, 1989″  This day was as important as the day my spirit was born again.

I came out of a lot of darkness. I hid what happened behind the walls of my house. I was embarrassed for people to know that my mom was an abusive drunk, that she attempted twice to kill herself, my dad was a weak, depressed man, that I was beaten until I had swollen belt marks all over my legs and that I was afraid. These things destroyed me during those ten years. My behavior before becoming a Christian was a loud cry for help. I was promiscuous but still a virgin, drinking under age, getting into trouble in school and crying out for someone to notice me. I was a messed up young girl for sure.

As I look back on those years from 1958 to 1968 I am not tormented. Even in the darkness of those years God was watching over me. He was protecting me. He was faithful. He had a great plan for me to meet Jesus! He gave me little glimpses of His love through my best friend Karen’s dad Mr. V and my ninth grade Home Economics teacher before I even knew Him. I may not have had the childhood many of my friends had but I am a testimony of the amazing grace of God. He picked this girl up out of the miry clay and set her feet upon a Rock and put a new song in her heart! I am free!

Maybe you are in your thirties, forties, fifties or sixties? It is NEVER too late to get free. There is a song called Break Every Chain that I love to hear and sing because He has broken those chains off me. He can break those chains from you too. Don’t continue on the path of bondage. Aren’t you ready for freedom? Make the decision to do something about it. Seek help, there is deliverance from every bondage. Remember John 10:10 says, “The thief comes but to steal, kill and destroy but I have come that they might have life and life more abundantly.” The enemy of your soul wants you dragging those chains the rest of your life. It is time to be set free! A new you will emerge.

Living by the brook,




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